So my story of becoming Allah-less is less tragic and more of an eye opener and shot at redemption for me. My family and I weren’t very religious initially. My observance of faith happened only on Fridays for jumma. But Islam took a hold of my mother when she interacted with other muslims and started conditioning me to the same. We started observing prayer 3-4 times a day, read quran and the whole deal. Muslim became my identity even when I had lingering doubts like if I had been born in a hindu or Christian family, would I burn in hellfire for not knowing Allah is the only god? I was firm in my identity such that I would beat up others that offended my religion. I even took up Arabic to understand Quran in school and stopped believing in science completely. I feared hell so much so that, Allah, from a symbol of love, became a dictator that burned people if they went against him. I didn’t want that for myself. I truly feared him.