Zeeking's story

Until I was 16 either I didn't have access or had restricted access to the internet. When I turned 16 I got my mobile phone and a broadband connection. Until then my access to information was restricted. My parents didn't buy me books, the only books I had were my school books. After I got unrestricted access to the internet I was overwhelmed by the amount of information on the internet. The curious mind inside me had awaken by this time. And I was always fascinated by computers and religion and philosophy. Internet gave me unprecedented access to three of them. As I dwelled deeper into computers and internet I got to know how to access information which isn't easily available. Until then I was a mediocre muslim believing in God and praying to god was a daily routine. I would fast every Ramadan and try to invite people towards Islam.

One day I came across a video in which a muslim cleric had been telling me how woman are treated in Islam. At that moment I thought I never saw a woman interpreting the Quran or any Islamic books. I thought because men mostly dominate Islam they are dominating women so I thought I myself would learn Arabic and I would understand the Quran and tell everyone how good is Islam. But things started to change quickly as I started going deep into Islam. I was shocked by the unscientific claims in the Quran and the hadith. I came across theory of evolution and Islam's story of creation of humans. Even though I was a muslim I believed in science. The more I tried to understand the relationship between Islam and science the more I understood how Islam had claims which were unscientific and illogical. Then I came across ex-muslim videos on YouTube who introduced me to more and more contradictions and false claims. I started asking doubts about Islam and existence of God and credibility of Muhammad. As a result of those doubts I thrashed by my parents and most of my muslim friends couldn't answer my questions. My mom would simply tell I should blindly believe in God and Islam and if I asked questions she would simply reply that my mind was infiltrated by devil and I should pray. As of now I had understood how deeply Islam was engraved in my family to such extent that my mom being a biology teacher didn't believe in evolution. I stopped asking doubts to my family but I continued my research on Islam. The more I researched the farther away I would find myself from Islam. As time went I slowly stopped praying and fasting and stopped believing in God. Later I got to know about the gruesome practices of Muslims around the world like killing apostates, female genital mutilation, hating and killing of dogs and so on.

I still live with my family and I am still dependant on them. So I haven't told them about it. I still pretend to be a muslim around them.

The only people from my family who know about my apostasy are my two sisters one is my cousin and another who I consider as my sister. My love for my sisters grew after I became an atheist because I now knew that their love for me was unconditional and not dependent on a shitty religion. Even though my cousin is a muslim she still loves me even I became an apostate. She is kinda confused muslim though.

I am surrounded by people like my mum who is also a fanatic when it comes to religion. She even believes that when a fly falls in your food you dip it in the food and throw it out. Because one wings has disease and another contains the cure. Being a biology teacher and believing in this shit is absolutely fanatic.

In a nutshell the more I tried to get into Islam the farther away I went from it. Islam itself lead me to Atheism.